Time to say goodbye....

Tomorrow Michael and I are leaving for Washington DC.  On Wednesday his mother will finally be buried next to her husband (Michael's dad) at Arlington National Cemetery.  They always say that a funeral is the place to say goodbye.  A place to start to get some closure.  For us it's the final step of a long journey.

You see, Michael's mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's around 10 years ago.  She started out ok, but as time progressed the disease did it's ugly thing and took the Mary we knew and loved and demolished her.  So for us, we started to say good bye the day she was diagnosed.  

We knew that there would come a day that she would not be here in the truest sense of the word and that it would just take a while for her body to catch up with her mind.  That day finally came about 2 months ago.

When Michael was told his mother passed away he wasn't sad. He was happy that her torment had finally ended; but I knew that deep down he would still grieve for his mom.  He did it tonight when he cried about the loss of his mother.  

He realized that it was "Time to say goodbye...."

I remember when....but now I forget

When Michael and I first got together one of the hardest things for me was to introduce him to my parents.  It wasn't that I was embarrassed of him or vice versa but I just so desperately wanted to make sure that they got along. Well, luckily they hit it off; especially Michael and my father.  They shared a special relationship until my father passed away.  

So about 7 months into our relationship Michael decided to give my father a computer. He knew my father was a ferocious reader and thought he could be open to the world so much more with the internet.  Well... the funnest thing happened, my father did not take to the computer but my mother at 67 took to it like a fish in water.  She learned immediately how to "google", download songs from Limewire, e-mail (and add attachments) and play games.  Both of us were amazed at how quickly she took to it.  There was nothing my mother couldn't do on the computer.  But sadly, those times have changed.

Today I tried to teach my mom where she could go on the computer to follow our flight this week.  She used to love doing that with us.  She would log on to flightview and follow our plane everywhere we would go.  Today, she couldn't even grasp the concept of where to put the web address.  We tried over and over but she would get frustrated because she could not remember.  Yes, her memory is now getting progressively worse.  Since the death of my father she has spiraled downward with her ability to remember things.  She will tell you she "remembers something... and they she forgets".  It's extremely sad to see such a brilliant woman not be able to remember the simplest of things.  

So now it's somewhat like the movie "Groundhog Day". You tell her something, and the next day (or a couple of hours later) must tell her again.  She doesn't have Alzheimer's or Dementia according to my brother. She simply has "old age" syndrome.  

So my question to all of you today is: do you remember when you started to forget?  Has it happened to you or a loved one, and if so, how did you deal with it.  

I wish our ability to remember would stay and we would not forget......

 

Frustration.. and knowing how to handle it.

One might think that this is funny and has no basis in fact.. when in reality this is my life.  The number of times I have to tell my mother (83 years old) and my husband (62 years old) how to do something on the computer is so frustrating.  It's frustrating because for me it seems so easy, and I don't understand why it can't be that easy for them.  I guess the answer to that is simple...I know what to do and they don't.

When you know what to do, doing it is easy and there is no frustration.. but when you don't and you keep trying over and over it becomes frustrating.  Not only to ME, but to the person trying to do the action in question.  I forget that many times. It goes the same for when my mother asks me the same question 40 times.  It's not that it's her goal to frustrate me (God I hope not) its just she simply doesn't remember she asked me the first time.  I have to learn to control my frustration because it doesn't do her any good and it certainly doesn't do me any good either.

So, next time someone does or says something that frustrates you just remember before you get all upset, are they doing it because they are trying to get your goat, or is it simply that they are "just" as frustrated as you are and don't know how to release that frustration.

If we can all remember that..things will get a little easier... I hope.

Changes aren't necessarily good.

So Verizon Residential decided to sell to Frontier Communications. Communication is the last thing they know how to do.  I have been on the phone with them for three days now because I have been trying to take away the id blocking from my mom's phone.  She doesn't call anyone anymore that would use her number for inappropriate things, and I need family to know it's her that is calling.  First I tried to get it done via text chat.. that supposedly did the job.  NOPE... then I called them... that supposedly did the job. NOPE... Finally I called them again and they said that "this time" they've done it right and within 24 hours the block will be lifted. Come on now, how many of you actually believe that?  The customer service is atrocious and to "communicate" with them is painful.  I hate the change from Verizon to Frontier.  

Next, I am attempting to get my mom a form of "life alert" pendant so when she is home alone, if she falls, she can get immediate help.  There are a ton of companies who do this type of thing. They each put the other down, yet they all basically do the exact same thing.  The only issue is that "@LifeAlert" wants to put you on a three year contract.  So I ask them, what if my mother gets full time care, or she passes away within those 3 years, can I cancel the contract and stop paying.. Their answer... NO.  That's ridiculous. So now, not only do I have to worry about my mom, I have to worry about a company that wants to steal my mom's money.  Changes in lifestyle suck!!

Ok, so tell me readers...What changes have you experienced lately that makes your blood boil?

Mondays aren't what they used to be....

I used to dread Mondays.  The day after that fun filled weekend when you would have to get up early, get dressed and head into the place you call "the office".  I used to wake up on Mondays wishing it was already Thursday.  That's not the way it is for me anymore.. I now LIVE for Mondays.  Why, you ask?  I will tell you why.  I basically work on the weekends now.  I spend both Saturday and Sunday at my mom's house doing house work, yard work, finances, shopping, etc. etc. etc.  By the time I get home I am usually wayyyyy to tired to go out and do anything.  But come Monday, my mom's care giver comes back and I get two days of not having to be responsible for someone else.  I can actually take care of myself (in between 40 phone calls from her) and do things I need to do. Now, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays are up for grab because many times I have to take her to appointments, or get things done for her.

Now before you get all self-righteous and start saying.. "that's your mom, you should do these things" it's not as easy as it seems. Taking care of your child is an obligation YOU CHOOSE.   For the most part, if your child is well behaved you tell them to do something and they do it.  But with a parent, it's a different game. You know what has to be done, you tell them, yet they argue with you and you can't send them to their room.. You have to sit there and explain over and over why something should or shouldn't be done.  This is not an obligation that YOU CHOSE.  It's an obligation that, if you are that well brought up child, you have to do. 

So, come Monday.. I am a happy camper.  (between all the phone calls)  

This ones for you Michelle....

So I was reminded today that I haven't submitted a post on my blog in quiet a long while.  To be honest, I forgot about my blog, but here I am willing to start it again.  

So, since we last saw each other,  much has changed in my life.  I had two major losses.. my father passed away and my precious Lady MacBeth left us as well.  The year 2014 was not good for me at all; with the exception that we adopted our sweet Lily.  

As a result of my father's death, I had to stop working entirely so I could help take care of my mother.  It's funny... for so long I bitched about going to work, now I would give anything if I could have those days back.  I will be very honest.. care-giving is not for the faint of heart...  It is very demanding work, and even if you love the person you are care-giving, it still is extremely stressful and can really make you change your attitude about others.  I am told often that I must make time for myself... but that is a fantasy because the responsibilities remain.  So my first question: readers have you ever been a care-giver?  And if so, how did you do it?

Mikey and I are still together.. in fact we will be celebrating our 15th anniversary on September 16th of this year.  I never really saw myself married, and to think that I am still married 15 years later is pretty miraculous.. if you ask me.  Marriage is A LOT of hard work and you really have to devote yourself to making it work all the time because it is so easy to just walk away and say I am done.  

I wasn't raised like that.. I was never raised to walk away from a challenge.  When something is broken you don't throw it away, you fix it and use it again.  That is what so many people forgot, that is why the divorce rate is so high.  It's so easy to just throw something away and just buy a shiny new one...Question two:  do you agree with my readers?

Well, I better get going and start my day.  I will try to update you guys as time goes by and please share my blog.  Maybe if I get more readers I will really make this thing work.  I mean, honestly, who doesn't want to hear about my FABULOUS life.  

Toodles :)